Life Lived Between Light & Dark

The years ebb and flow as the tides dance to the moon. Our personal phases cycle as does the moon. We have moments in our life that are so bright we forget we ever knew the darkness. Other phases are the darkest night. These are the phases that lay us bare; open and vulnerable in ways we are never comfortable experiencing. These are the moments where we have our greatest growth and potential laid before us. Opportunities to grow and heal. However, most of our life is lived between the light and darkness. The light and dark illuminating each other for our fullest growth.

I have had many roles throughout my life. There are periods of time that I feel more like a role than the individual behind that role. I feel as though to keep with the forward momentum that I must succumb to certain tasks and behaviors. Is this a bad thing, no. Am I tired of certain routines and duties, yes. After two years of dealing with illness and injury, the legal system, the school system, constant restructuring of a household I feel as if I have been caught in a tidal storm, constantly buffeted on rough waters.

Slowly the storm has been receding and I begin to evaluate what is life, what needs to change and where to proceed forward. This evaluation began before the Winter holiday season. As I came to conclusions I had deep conversations with my partner, myself and family. Together we have been revamping certain things in our life and communicating better on our needs.

The communication has led to several changes in our life. Homeschooling our oldest child has happened. She couldn’t be happier! The adjustment has been a challenge for all of us but we are moving along, learning and growing. A combination of online school quality, homeschool flexibility and local homeschool resources are beginning to blend together into a world that is fostering natural exploration and love of learning.

After a length of illness, surgery and recovery our family is coming into its new normal. Two individuals with chronic pain conditions that manage a home and family with three kids, dogs and assorted pets are learning how to support each other in this new normal. We haven’t given up hope of improving our conditions but we do know that we must live in this current reality while we explore alternatives to improving our health.

For myself, that means committing to the gym for a combination of weight training, flexibility training (I love yoga) and cardio health to stave off the progression of arthritis and fibromyalgia. Routines and training are so very difficult for me to establish let alone maintain with the ever evolving needs of three children under eight.

Plus, I am spending time working on taking some of my passions from hobbies to a freelance career. Adding me time in to focus on that is important to me but a challenge. Due to the age of my children and the schedule my partner has worked for most of their small years I have had to put my needs on the back burner to have enough spoons to be there for my kids. Now, I can begin to shift my focus from solely their needs to a more balanced approach between their needs and mine.

Putting myself first has never been easy for me. Neither has drawing boundaries. Now, I am in a place where I need to do so for a multitude of reasons. Fortunately, my children and partner give me strength; as do members of my tribe.

Everything in life has cycles and patterns. People are no different. Embrace who you are, go with or define your flow but no matter what KNOW THYSELF.

Sassy Viking Mama

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