I am at the point in my motherhood journey that I need to explore who I am. The last six years has been focused on infants, diapers, sleep, teething, adoption and pregnancy. As my youngest has fully entered the toddler stage I now need to explore where my life is and what these next chapters hold for all of us. They will always be my primary focus however as their needs shift and change I can begin to shift and change with them.
Our life is in an ebb and flow as the ocean to the moon. It is a dance of beauty and joy; ranging from wild to destructive to calm. As we explore the full depths of our personalities as individuals and a family our lives become richer by the moment. These moments are colored with joy, frustration, laughter and tears. Nothing can make you crazier than your children and you will never love anything more than those wild exuberant beings.
They have taught me more about myself in the last 6 years than I learned in the prior three decades. I know what I firmly want to remove from my personality, what I resent from my childhood and the loving kindness that I cannot live without. As I push them to stretch, dream and explore what their passions are I am reminded that I am turning a corner in motherhood. My days are coming out of the stretch of completely sleepless nights and survival mode of small children and entering a new phase of exploration and creativity.
There has been so much the last six years have taught me about relationships, boundaries, slowing down and myself. I am fortunate that most of my dreams have been fulfilled and I have a partner who is supporting me as I work on the rest. I have learned so much about my body and gentleness. In pregnancy I learned more about the mind, body, spirit journey than I did in decades of spiritual and holistic study. The lesson of being gentle took new meaning as I held my oldest in my arms for the first time. When my second child was born I stared at him in the nursery amazed at how tiny he was and terrified to hold him. When I carried my last child in my body I was in awe of the raw power of him inside me. Each child has changed me and for that I am grateful.
But now is the time for me to explore who I am at this point in my life. Where have the tides taken me? My first love was writing and it still is. I am out of practice and shy about it these days, but it is still the one thing that excites me and makes me feel completely alive. In fact, learning to write on the computer has been a challenge for me. I love the feel of pen and paper, but pregnancy carpal tunnel made that near impossible. So today, I begin to explore my love and depth of writing once again. To find my voice and to break free from the fear and share.
Explore your life, Find your Passion and live it!